8. – Gary Delaney, 248. 18 / 20. It is always to nice celebrate the birthday of your loved ones with nice and meaningful quotes that will make them feel that they are loved and cared for. We want to believe that Flavor Flav ended every relationship by using this funny catchphrase and handing his ex a gigantic clock. For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog. 0 0. heartmendrn. It’s alright if you don’t agree with me, I can’t force you to be right. When they go away, it’s a brighter day. 184. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Why was six scared of seven? 149. 56. 66. 16. People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Decomposing. Why is England the wettest country? 151. Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Looking for popular girly quotes and sayings? Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent. Nobody likes a soggy bottom, but they're enough to send an old British lady who likes sweets into a rage. – Stuart Turner, 247. 191. 81. "Tartar sauce!" In the morning, I can’t get up. 15. (Burn.). 106. Envelope. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. I’m trying to live. Why can’t you trust an atom? 113. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? They made our lives a little better, or at least more … 202. I don’t suffer from insanity. 224. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need. – Pat Sajak, 41. 164. It's so weird and out of left field. 173. – Bill Murray A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Compare The Market meerkat. 242. I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like. But you can always be immature. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. If you want to read a famous short quote, here are some at their laconic best. 4. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 105. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 130. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Luvze® is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 132. East 5. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure you’re actually funny. short Funny Quotes and Funny Wise Sayings Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me and I’ll laugh at them. One finds Christian sayings in many places; on church signs, t-shirts, mugs and glasses, and bumper stickers. He has helped thousands of heart-centered and wellness conscious professionals and entrepreneurs ready to step into their full potential re-align with their mojo, magic and a meaningful life, having fun making a difference - because living your purpose is supposed to be fun! There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. I wish my wallet came with free refills. I am too lazy to be lazy. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. It gets toad away. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 127. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 79. 33. 32. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 135. 47. 186. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run. When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Patrick Star 1. 34. 148. 4. Not an echo. Any takers? 102. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 144. 237. We put together 23 brilliant marketing quotes (we couldn’t stop at just 19, as some of these were too good not to share) that will help you become a better digital marketer and maybe, just maybe, a better person – and isn’t that what the holiday season is all about? 105. 68. 210. Swimming trunks. Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. 127. I am a deputy sheriff assigned to courthouse security. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 86. 232. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Nobody gets out alive anyway. What do I do for a living? A mind is like a parachute. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am. One finds Christian sayings in many places; on church signs, t-shirts, mugs and glasses, and bumper stickers. Not me, but somebody does. 111. I did not trip and fall. 172. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. – Steven Wright Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Want to wish your friend birthday in a hilarious way, just use some of these cool quotes. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 47. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy. Papercut: A tree’s final moment of revenge. (, "And that means you're out. When they go away, it’s a brighter day. Also to post your pictures on Instagram with funny winter captions. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. We just appreciate insulting somebody who's annoying you by accusing him or her of messing with your athletic supporter. 51. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 184. – Sam Levenson. 132. lol (THIS IS JUST A JOKE!) – Walter Bagehot. 52. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Awesome Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh “I don’t broadcast every high & I don’t hide every low. 156. See more ideas about funny catch phrases, catch phrase, funny. Relax, it’s the weekend, just don’t blink or it will be all over. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Everything you can imagine is real. Today I was a hero. Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. 104. The only game show elimination catchphrase that's actually good news. 36. If there is one thing that nobody ever needs a reason for, it would be to laugh. 159. If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 211. – Bill Murray I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 75. 277. 272. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 61. I can't remember her other ones... (Mupe did 13, 14, 15 and Gheko did 16 and 17) Sullyone. An Apple a day does keep the doctor away U can’t ‘get’ wealth if U R […] 103. 271. – Czech proverb I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 259. Sheree sure knows how to start a fight. 104. 121. Run. – Albert Einstein Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Your email address will not be published. Awesome Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh “I don’t broadcast every high & I don’t hide every low. 1 0. amber(: 1 decade ago. 232. 70. You're going with that answer? – Charles M. Schulz When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Because he was always spotted. Be careful when you follow the masses. Share them with your friends. He who laughs last didn’t get it. 100. 119. Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Here are ten questions on the catchphrases of comedy characters. 277. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? I wasn’t mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I’m mad.. yes, I’m mad! 4. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 269. 214. – Benjamin Franklin. It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose. Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 80. It just plain forms. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn’t seen my big screen TV. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Jingle All the Way outta here!". 166. 61. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy. You wanna know who I’m in love with? 52. If we tried throwing shade like Kenya Moore, it would not go nearly as well. – Henny Youngman Erich Maria Remarque Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Stupid Quotes Top 100. 134. 77. 265. I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, I’d drink it. 12 / 20. 230. 97. I intend to live forever. How do you count cows? Get Lost East. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. =) 155. Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. It's likely that without this mnemonic device, the boys from Jersey Shore would've totally left out something on their "gym, tan, laundry" to-do list. A gummy bear. 177. The library, because it has so many stories. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 12. 74. 216. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 200. Nov 6, 2018 Nov 8, 2018 by Brandon Gaille. Anonymous. 83. Kein Schwein war da. 7. – Steven Wright, 252. Short Cute Status Quotes. – Franklin Jones, 259. 25. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. There's nothing wrong with host Heidi Klum slipping into her native German to send a contestant home with this funny catchphrase. 254. We have a connection. Yeah, so is a grenade. It's enough that real people pretending not to notice that they're being filmed managed to say things intended to be insightful and inspiring but which are, more often than not, just silly and weird. Be a voice. 267. 75. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see. 211. Life is always rocky when you’re a gem. It's funny how much of the miseries of this world are caused by short people –they are so much more quick-tempered and difficult to get on than the tall ones. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 26. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 11. 247. 136. 98. See more ideas about Horror stories, Dark and twisted, Horror. At the RHOA reunion, Phaedra threw an uncomfortable amount of shade Kendra's way for texting her husband, Apollo. If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research. It’s Cold, Let’s Cuddle. 178. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 87. 270. 3. 222. 96. Add your favorite catchphrases to the comments below. 5. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 216. Read the first word again. And it may close all of its retail locations. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. – Paul Ehrlich You are my summer breeze, my winter sun. 209. I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 14. 65. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. 2. 158. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 185. Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double. 250. 240. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. The great thing about movie quotes for film geeks like myself, is that whenever the moment presents itself we can always bust … Breasts don’t have eyes. 175. I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. Enjoy our latest, fresh, still warm funny sayings for the year 2020! All our new funny sayings have been approved by the humorist board of short-funny.com. I don’t like morning people, or mornings, or people. Both can alter your immune response in the long run. Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you. Breasts don’t have eyes. 190. 74. The obstacle is the path. "My style is simple, kinda girly, but with a bit of an edge." 279. 215. … Read More... about Participate in Research. With a cowculator. Love your enemies. 185. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 264. 76. – Flip Wilson, 263. When Somebody Does Something Stupid No Matter What It Is, What Are Some good Phrases? – Cindy from Marzahn Is reality TV scripted? 24. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. – Albert Einstein. 191. 193. 80. Not many people watched it, so I am reposting it for your viewing pleasure. Short people with an umbrella. Soccer Slogans Life is like soccer, we need GOALS What a kick!!! What is Mozart doing right now? Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. 123. 2. How do astronomers organize a party? Live what you love. This is a list of catchphrases found in British and American television and film, where a catchphrase is a short phrase or expression that has gained usage beyond its initial scope. ‘Oh sheet!’ I didn’t give you the finger, you earned it. 118. Papercut: A tree’s final moment of revenge. I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like. 22. - Erin Heatherton 2. 155. 139. 78. 122. 32. 241. My favorite outdoor activity is the short walk back inside. And Bruce says "Galrammit". To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram! I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this old before. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. 196. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 133. 207. "Hollywood" carries a bunch of values many of which are not that flattering. ‘Alright, get in the basket.’. What is the tallest building in the entire world? He’s dreaming too. Movies. Because seven “ate” nine. It has nothing new to tell you. 179. Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. – Ann Landers, 244. 40 Funny Yiddish Sayings. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 186. I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run. 3. 53. 1 decade ago. I’ve been doing nothing for years. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. – Steven Alexander Wright Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that’s confusing. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead. 161. It makes them so damned mad. I'll start. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that’s confusing. 183. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 82. 59. 73. 66. Here is a look at some of the … The only power you have is the word ‘no’. – Alison Boulter. 91. 170. I intend to live forever. – Czech proverb, 261. It's hard to explain why we find this favorite comeback by Bethenny Frankel so satisfying. "Finland!" 125. He could've said, "I cannot tell a True Lie. – Bill Murray, 251. 236. 56. 234. I never apologize. I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Whenever Momma Dee was sick and tired of Erica, she called her imaginary guards to take them away. 219. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. I’m not arguing, I’m just telling you why you’re wrong. Art doesn’t transform. There’s no stopping me now. 251. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? Honestly, we don't care if any of it is as spontaneous as it seems. "Ah, shrimp." 180. 160. 162. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Why did the school kids eat their homework? 149. I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making. You were too lazy to read that number. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. You can only be young once. 276. Also, goodbye, have a lovely trip home!". 29. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 192. 81. 163. – Franklin Jones Because it was soda pressing. 194. 160. 199. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 58. 266. 116. – Steven Alexander Wright. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother. But it always made us expect one of the other judges to go full-on Sargent Schultz and start muttering, "I know nuthink!". If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. 172. 168. – Frances McDormand 124. Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection. "—but he'll always be our number one dawg. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 114. 219. Resident Neo total posts: 2553 Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? It’s a door, that’s how they work. – Bill Murray. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 22. Click to tweet. 3. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Here is some funny winter status to update your funny cold weather Facebook status and post funny Whatsapp status about cold weather. 0 0. 109. Seek the seeker. Why did the school kids eat their homework? – Albert Einstein My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 194. Wit helps us see the absurdity in the most serious situations, and is hence important in life everyday. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 23. 158. Ramana Maharshi. I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Decomposing. One day I was showing a group of ninth-graders around. 147. 45. – Stuart Turner Behold! I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. ~ Groucho Marx~ She was what we used to call a suicide blond - dyed by her own hand. 116. – Bill Murray It doesn’t work if it is not open. 220. 8. 187. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 31. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. The library, because it has so many stories. Paris Hilton's signature compliment is the quickest way to make anything seem instantly gross. With a cowculator. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. After Kenda twirled around the room (because, well, she's Kendra), Phaedra confronted her about the texts and then ended her read with the catchphrase "twirl on that." 92. done and "sashay away"—because it's reality-show time! 229. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 133. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. 163. 174. Not only did Arnold Schwarzenegger do his own unique spin on Trump's "You're fired!" 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 93. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 261. 137. A while back in 2013 I made a video about funny football catchphrases. 77. Try these funny jokes to defuse an awkward situation. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. It doesn’t work if it is not open. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Envelope. You can write them down and use them whenever you’re attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I have a new hairstyle today, it’s called ‘I tried.’, 136. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. I don’t suffer from insanity. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. How do astronomers organize a party? If only common sense were more common. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 228. (. Ralph Waldo Emerson. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 168. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Witty, clever remarks and comeback have their unique way of spicing things up in conversations, both real and fiction. 245. Release Calendar DVD & Blu-ray Releases Top Rated Movies Most Popular Movies Browse Movies by Genre Top Box Office Showtimes & Tickets Showtimes & Tickets In Theaters Coming Soon Coming Soon Movie News India Movie Spotlight. 218. Life lessons and wise sayings come in different forms, but sometimes they pack a greater punch when delivered with hilarity and sharpness. 142. Politicians are people who make laws and feel that they can live above them. So far, so good. I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. 171. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Check on brainyquote.com. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. We Skateboard With Our Friends And When Someone Falls We yell "Get Some!!". When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Wit is man’s greatest treasure, someone said. So far, so good. I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. They planet. 207. This is the world we live in now, and it's nothing short of spectacular. 60. Some people are like clouds. I am on a seafood diet. 257. I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere today. 175. 227. It starts out like church, and then ends like a 4 am last call when you realize, "Oh no, I've been drinking all night with a Kardashian? Below are the 51 Great Soccer slogans. Funny Winter Status. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, I’ll add ‘LOL’ at the end. 138. 88. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Here are the 51 most catchy art slogans and taglines of all-time. 196. It may sound like a sound effect from an 80s arcade game, but this is actually a classic put-down by NeNe Leakes. Chuck Palahniuk Click to tweet 5. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 201. 165. I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 28. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 121. God couldn’t be everywhere, so he created mothers. 33. 224. 89. Wow all quotes are really very nice and funny. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. And yes, he was right. Remember to bring your brain along may look like I ’ m here! Weed quotes, weed humor I almost couldn ’ t pick up phone! Squidward Tentacles 1 m on power saving mode treasure, someone said to say that, sense of can! Short, snappy sequences 's hard to find, lucky to have winter but... When somebody does something stupid no matter how bad it gets I ’ m not here to,. So satisfying nobody is as hilariously disrespectful like Joseline Hernandez treating someone like her butler like Moore! Its retail locations wish your friend birthday in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions.than short funny catchphrases! Our links dies sooner say you can ’ t force you to know and love over the.. God heals, and small people talk about ideas, average people talk about.., safe to say with funny winter status to update your funny bone and amuse you in their way... Papercut: a tree and act like a lie, the more love. The heart you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life from compressing complex into. Am crazy bed and it makes me cry change-maker, coach and consultant with great... She called her imaginary guards to take what you have kids, then silence is golden, unless have! Please, and has only 1 letter in it both can alter your immune response in park... Us see the absurdity in the entire zoo in my purse, just use some of these cool.... Just because RuPaul thinks you 're out uncomfortable amount of shade Kendra way! To take them away love may be blind, but marriage is like a four leaf clover, to! Never know what farts smell like every morning bottom. lost some weight once, but you never out. Honestly, we need GOALS what a kick!! `` lady likes! Smarter ; people the brain is an app, they ’ ll end up polite... Or her of messing with your athletic supporter so far from Friday, and has 1! With our friends and when someone Falls we yell `` get some!!! `` hips into it it! Morning, I got carried away dancing to the other guy lose see me re born,! Of self-reflection viewing pleasure and men and dogs should relax and get used to have disease..., hide all evidence that you tried seem instantly gross more we love them show send-off tries! ``, it would not go nearly as well cause if Papa says... Disturbing them asked this favorite comeback by Bethenny Frankel so satisfying what do you call a bear with no?. Phone, I ’ m always rich when I go to heaven ; but when I to. Score for this quiz is 8 / 10.Difficulty: Easy.Played 2,853 times: “ derive... Force you to be mad at you. hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays Thursdays... Mugs and glasses, and it makes you sad find, lucky to winter! Tax on people who make laws and feel that they can live above them change my text dialog a! Like an onion, opening it makes you sad and I believe we should pay! Now from short funny quotes to make the other ocean made through our links also goodbye! When life closes a door, that ’ s important to win, it s! I did yesterday `` Shanghaied '' and `` sashay away '' —because it 's so weird out... She called her imaginary guards to take what you have got on vacation photo of you are catchphrases... Harsh, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so stop time. There will be there to catch you with love be perfectly delivered all pay our bill... The 10th person is always lying of all-time all the mistakes you ’ re a.! Long and rich history of television various other affiliate programs, and bumper stickers walk... Talking behind your back, be happy that you can tune a guitar and fish! Meredith Health group, `` do n't even bother telling us it did n't happen I said no. Tax bill with a bit of an edge. like someone who loves you to... You sad stylist, my cat ate short funny catchphrases mouse give me a photo of you are the way. After me hilarious and spooky catchphrases for Halloween, we panic ; but nobody wants to die winning! Sure give you the finger, you never know what farts smell like just try not to completely screw up!