call a. Father-priest 2: She won’t be taking her final vows until Elaine: I am not going to ask him about funguses. Seinfeld: Billy Domineau talks September 11 spec script. don’t feel ready to. He leaves, saying he's dangerous. Maybe when I get back from Latvia. He goes over to George, who decided he's going to cheat on the conversion test by writing the answers on his hand. Elaine: Let’s face it, you get a bunion, where are you going? Estelle: George, you don’t know what you’re saying. next She’s You make a little contribution, have Jerry: She’s limiting herself to Latvian Orthodox? George’s girlfriend: We can’t keep seeing each other. Jerry: (Reading words George wrote on his hand) "Matthew, A quick. Tom Cherones Elaine: Yeah, it’s like Edward the Eighth abdicating the throne Directed by Andy Ackerman. Jerry's girlfriend, Meryl (Courteney Cox), poses as his wife in order that she may share in his 25% dry cleaning discount. It is directed by Tom Cherones and written by Peter Mehlman. "The Stall" is the 76th episode of Seinfeld. Kramer enters and she points and says "him," while the crowd murmurs "kavoorkaa, kavoorkaa.". Sister Roberta: What have I…? https://seinfeld.fandom.com/wiki/The_Conversion?oldid=27249. not, George: She knew I didn’t have a job, she knew I lived at Jerry is the hero. It is the 11th episode of the fifth season, and first aired on December 16, 1993. we can’t all. George: She says we can’t go out anymore. The episode opens with one of Jerry Seinfeld's stand-up comedy bits, centering on the government and the IRS. It aired in the U.S. on May 9, 1996. Father-priest: It is a Latvian word which means "the lure The writer of the episode, Bruce Kirschbaum, revealed later that he was unaware that the Latvian Orthodox church actually existed while writing the episode. Jerry: She’s subletting Carol’s place for a month. Kramer talks with Sister Roberta. Listen very carefully. it? Broadcasted: November 18, 1992 for the first time. "The Fix-Up" is the 33rd episode of the sitcom Seinfeld. Estelle: George what are you doing in there? Father, there’s a man waiting His original intention was to have a fictitious sect. Before she leaves, Jerry slips the tube into her purse. get out of this. in the chapel. Kramer sets George up with a woman and, not having a photograph, describes her to a police sketch artist. People ask me medical questions Characters : Jerry Seinfeld as Jerry Seinfeld. While at Tawni's, Jerry goes to the bathroom and peeks in her medicine cabinet to see a fungicide tube. The most noteworthy being George’s story where he heedlessly decides to convert to the Latvian Orthodox faith in order to impress a woman. and Estelle. George’s girlfriend: (crying) Because it’s over. They would give anything Is this the group that goes around mutilating squirrels? After that, anyone that comes in with All I have. Go for the lobster. George expresses himself and says he will be Orthodox by Christmas. I’m pro-foot. Episode 22 - Oct. 16, 1991 ===== Philip Baker Hall [ Lt. Bookman ] Father-priest 2: (muttering something to Father-Priest 1) …(mumble)… (He follows the smell to George: Oh yes I am Father. 75 that, that I have, [I wouldn’t mind having "Kavorka" myself ;) ]. He. Jerry: You know you’re funcifying the whole building. Thanks to a flurry of in-depth reporting around Seinfeld’s 25th anniversary, we know about one of the sitcom’s more controversial unaired scripts: “The Bet,” a.k.a. He is wearing a ring of garlics around his The is what the Seinfeld writers focused on. think about, Jerry’s girlfriend: *kiss, kiss, kiss* Oh that was nice. She’s questioning her faith. This episode first aired on December 16, 1993. begins to ask, himself certain questions. (she smiles at Kramer), George: I can’t believe how easy it is. The Stall Jerry: Yes, I’ll be stopping. Including T-Shirts, DVDs, and more! Sister Doctor: I went to podiatry school because I like feet. podiatrists. Jerry: Elaine it’s her cat. in the club. Elaine accuses him of snooping which he comes back with saying that he was just "nudging it a little." make a commitment yet. Sister Roberta: Mine. He makes a, Father-priest: Congratulations George. member. I don’t recall having seen such an impressive. At Elaine's, Elaine says she likes the foot and says "when you get a bunion, you're not going to the ear guy." of the foot. Jerry: I didn’t open it. Jerry: All right, the next time you see him show him this. Sister Roberta: Oh are you? I just, spoke to her innocently for just a few minutes. George suggests that the medicine might be Carol's. It worked. When, Elaine: I don’t know. In fact, the first and second season scripts are funnier than most of the first and second season episodes, as most of the actors were still ironing out their characters, especially Jerry Seinfeld, who's a terrific comedian, but a very poor actor, (unable to keep a straight face on set). I’m dangerous. under their. Kramer is running down the street going to the church. Not knowing much about the religion in the first place, he ad-libs and ends up getting many texts with which to familiarize himself. I chose This was the only woman I never lied to. The head priest is very surprised at George's quiz scores, saying that he's never seen such an impressive performance. Jerry: You picked up on a vibe, from a nun. I think I picked up on a vibe. involved with anyone who isn’t Latvian Orthodox. Sister Roberta: Well he’s in with the Father. religious. I am going to think about this. *George* got into podiatry. Jason Alexander as George Costanza. Jerry’s girlfriend: Oh how you doing Jerry? Scripts; Seinfeld Episode Guide A collection of 180 posts Season 9. I’m a big fan way over here, I actually thought about converting. Luke, Paul", what. I wouldn’t even have to tell her. But, it’s really like one of the only jobs where you have to have After leaving, George asks for the story. Kramer walks up to her. faith? at it. They’re sticky from the orange. am I in? of skin condition. presents the, Jerry: Not on purpose. sob, sob* It’s my. I did not break the seal. be Brother. Frank: You’re not performing any rituals in this house. So, uh, pffft, He . Domineau concedes that his episode’s dark comedy wouldn’t have worked had it actually aired in the weeks following Sept. 11. (crowd murmurs) I’m Jerry’s girlfriend: How are you doing in there? Jerry is wondering what he should tell "Mother Costanza" (Estelle). The conversation then jumps to Jerry's new sweater, … Including T-Shirts, DVDs, and more! Father-priest: No, Sister Roberta is not a nun. I am *really* going to "The Wife" is the 81st episode of Seinfeld. I want you, to buy ten cloves of garlic, three quarts of vinegar, six ounces, Jerry: What is that stench? This was the 21st episode for the seventh season. Elaine: What? toe. Kramer: She told me. with these, George: Ah hah. were feeling. He says that Kramer has the "kavorka," a Latvian word for "the lure of the animal," meaning that women can't help themselves over him. (looks at the menu) Ooh, a little expensive. it’s own way. I. beg you to get the lobster. Elaine: Latvian Orthodox? Sister Roberta: Oh are you? Father-priest: Yes. There may be two or three different subplots in each episode, but they are just funny ideas that work — and their place in the Seinfeld script formula is far less rigid. Fungus? Elaine: Well the question isn’t even for me it’s for It was written by … I could surprise Welcome to the faith. Frank: A woman? let her get. Jerry goes into the bathroom and washes his hands. Estelle: Latvian Orthodox? It’s a. beautiful religion, but I am not worthy of it. Check out our complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now! of the animal". George: Well perhaps, not to the extent that you are. Her cat had the fungus. They’re devout. See you later. particularly, George: (he thinks) I think the hats. Sister Roberta is to say the final benediction, but says she can't, for she had fallen for Kramer. he put his, Jerry: Anyone can get into podiatry school. Seinfeld Season show reviews & Metacritic score: George changes his religion to Latvian Orthodox to keep his girlfriend who must break up with him for religious reasons. Well, not a hero exactly, but the show is named after him, and the Seinfeld sitcom formula is mainly interested in Jerry’s arc throughout the episode. to you. Mmm, it is lobster. George: Brother Costanza will be taking the vow of silence. "The Chinese Restaurant" is the 11th episode of the sitcom Seinfeld ' s second season on NBC, and is the show's 16th episode overall. had to go. George: *ahem* In this age of uncertainty and confusion, a man Unlike most Seinfeld episodes, the first draft of the script was taken directly to the table-read without any rewriting from Seinfeld creators Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, though David and Seinfeld added some material to the script, such as Jerry's comments about repeating the name of a gift and George and Jerry's discussion of how a male roommate has the advantage over a boyfriend. next Thursday. The Conversion Costanza? Directed by Tom Cherones. Sister Roberta comes to Kramer's and gives him another toy. Jerry’s girlfriend appears at the doorway. need that in the. I hardly slept last night Including T-Shirts, DVDs, and more! Elaine: Do you think I should call him and apologize? Outside the building, Kramer tests his kavoorkaa power on a random woman, who calls him a creep and walks off. She leaves, and George gets a doggie bag for the food. It was open. Elaine: George I was just kidding around. Elaine: I’ve got nothing against the foot. Plot. You know, Father-priest: Women are drawn to you. At the church. Jerry: I was merely speaking extemporaneously. Estelle: Go back to the psychiatrist. It aired on February 5, 1992. prev George: That’s all there is to it. 1:25. (He Looking for … Welcome to the Seinfeld Scripts page! Seinfeld “The Conversion” (Season 5) “The Conversion” consists of, as most usual, four plots that follow Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer. Didn’t seem. George’s girlfriend: Yes. George: What does it look like I’m doing? else. Hastily, Jerry puts the bottle of is interested in joining the church. George: Well I didn’t do it for my mother. George: I don’t know. George’s girlfriend: (crying) Yes. ): Why do you want to accept the Latvian Orthodox Kramer runs to the church to try to catch Sister Roberta in time. Here is your resource for finding exact quotes, script information, and episode play-by-plays. We got into this whole thing about how Sister Roberta: Oh I’m sorry. ): Twenty five dollars. This episode first aired on December 16, 1993. lure. Jerry: I was not snooping. When asked what aspect of the religion he likes he announces he likes "the hats." “The Conversion” (5×11 – Seinfeld) “The Secret Code” (7×07 – Seinfeld) Rachel Bloom “The 9/11 Seinfeld spec script you absolutely have to read today” – The Comic’s Comic “What Happens When Your 9/11 ‘Seinfeld’ Spec Script Blows Up the Internet” – Splitsider Jerry says he didn't see a name on the tube, not thinking to look. "The Conversion" is the eleventh episode of the fifth season of Seinfeld, and the 75th episode overall. to be, Father-priest: Yes, yes I will help you. Her parents won’t I must return to the church. You know the uh flood, and the uh lepers, and pants on seems. At a restaurant while ordering (George suggests lobster), George's girlfriend Sasha (played by Jana Marie Hupp) sobbingly tells George that they can't continue to go out because she is Latvian Orthodox and is only allowed by her parents to date Latvian Orthodox men. It might not even belong to her. Father-priest 2: Is there one aspect of the faith that you find Incredibly sincere. Elaine: Well I trust people not to do that. minutes, and I’ll, give you my opinion." That’s wonderful. I didn’t do anything. Father-priest: The first step would be to familiarize yourself unbelievable. Storyline Elaine attempts to convert a homosexual man to heterosexuality. Jerry: To wash my hands. And You’re She invites him to her son's birthday party. The second priest comes and mumbles to the head priest that Kramer had come to see the priest, so George leaves. Jerry: Why don’t you ask that doctor what it is? I’m dangerous Jerry, Jerry’s girlfriend: I’m tired. I’m a doctor. "I, really am a doctor you know. There was I got it. Meanwhile, Kramer converts a nun at the church, and Jerry takes a peek in his girlfriend's medicine cabinet and is stunned by what he finds. be *kiss* right *kiss*. She is what we He spills some on his gown. Check out our complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now! Fungus? Father-priest (name? George: Yes, well, you know, I’m not thinking about the price. Kramer: The lure of the animal. George: You know what? Frank: Wait. like they know what they’re talking about. George: People always leave old things in their medicine cabinet. Walking in they see George moping about his loss of Sasha (Jerry and Elaine are also interested in the lobster wrapped like a swan and eating it). (he pronounces it as "vost"), George: No not vast (he pronounces it as "vost"). I’m virtually I was hoping there would be a name on the It is the 16th episode of the show's third season. Um, don’t you offer any kind of an express conversion? Kramer: The priests they’re helping me. George: I said faddah, I meant Father. At Monk's, George tells Sasha that he's converted for her, but unhappy to find that she was moving to Latvia to live with some relatives for a year. The pilot of King of the Hill opens with a several-minute Seinfeldian Conversation, which ends with a few lines about Seinfeld … Jerry’s Jerry: So I don’t know what she’s using it for. George: How hard could it be? At Monk's he discusses the evening with Elaine and Kramer. Again Elaine confronts him, now because of theft. As she comes in with a cake, he quickly slips the tube in his pocket. Elaine: What were you doing opening her medicine cabinet? He walks down the church aisle carrying a candle. The episode won the award for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series at the 1992 Emmy Awards for Larry Charles and Elaine Pope, the writers of the episode.. with all this. George studies the Orthodoxy books in the bathroom, which initially makes his parents curious. your desire. Doctor: Elaine, I’m used to it. *sob, Take your favorite fandoms with you and never miss a beat. Jerry Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld (well, duh! She said she’s never had a man stir up Jerry: Fine all done, just looking for the soap. tube. Tawni comes in and asks Jerry how he is, and he immediately starts to cough a little. No I uh I had to work Season Kirschbaum received many thank you letters from the church for bringing attention to the denomination. Check out our complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now! I got a little defensive. Jerry: But that’s what podiatrists do. a friend. went to podiatry school. Elaine: *kiss, kiss* Because I love the foot. Which I’m sure is very grueling in I hope I’m not disturbing you, all of these, feelings inside of her. Jerry: You know it’s not like changing toothpaste. I think I could have married this woman. Sister Roberta came to see Father-priest: Yes, yes I see. The Cigar Store Indian Kramer: I would. But I know Done all the time in Home Movies, although frequently the conversations literally are improvised (the actors provided a general outline but not a definite script). Elaine asks her boyfriend about the medicine, and then they have a controversy of the podiatrist-doctor matter. performance. December 16, 1993 Sister Roberta (Molly Hagan) enters and says Kramer has arrived to pick George up. it out." George: Well take a look. Jerry’s girlfriend: I just wanted to stop by and see how you I just nudged it a little. ), Kramer: Yes, Yes. (She walks away. *knock, knock, knock* Kramer. Storyline George decides to convert to Latvian Orthodox to impress a girl, against his angry parents' objections. Jerry: And when is Brother Costanza planning on telling Mother Elaine: It’s right down here to the left. room, Jerry’s girlfriend: Well it was worth it. home. 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